I should warn you this latest post is almost a light bulb moment for me and I know that the concept of Radical Acceptance is nothing new and in fact it is part of the whole mindfulness concept that seems to be very popular at the moment. It sounds so hippy to “just be in the moment” but for me it has become an invaluable tool in managing this whole nightmare of my daughters mental health. 

Radical Acceptance is a term used by psychologists and in particular used in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) 

Accepting something does not mean we agree with it or even like it, we just accept it for the realty it is. Fighting that reality only creates more pain and suffering. The pain is inevitable but the suffering is optional and will be so much worse if we can’t accept the pain. 

I can say to myself 

“My daughter has BPD”

“My daughter chooses to self harm during periods of emotional instability” 

“My daughter will have periods of instability and crisis relapses”

“This is what comes with her BPD”

These statements are the reality. I don’t like them, I don’t want or approve of them. BUT I accept that these are the facts. 

Acceptance of these facts is my way of saying “OK, this exists, this is happening or has happened, how do I choose to handle it? 

I am not wasting energy in worrying about or trying to change what is. 

It is almost a relief to allow myself to use that energy in working out how I can deal with it, rather than how I want to control it.